Game Night

“Oooh!” Ikki couldn’t retain her excitement in the Air Temple Island dining hall.

Tenzin let out a heavy sigh. “What is it Ikki?” He asked, irritated.

“Lady Gaga’s coming out with a new single next month!”

Jinora wasn’t impressed. “I used to like her, but now she’s too mainstream,” she declared, adjusting her lensless glasses.

Tenzin raised an eyebrow. “Lady who?”

A scoff came from Korra, who was chewing bubble gum and “Tweetering,” as Tenzin put it, on her iPhone5. “Ahmigawd, Tenzin. You’re... so... lame.” She proceeded to take a “selfie” and then continued typing. “Instagraaaam! Hashtag no filterrrrrrrrrrrr.”

The man stammered at his student. “Will you at least explain why you are wearing sunglasses… indoors?”

“Cuz all the cool celebrities do.”

“So if the cool celebrities jumped off a cliff would you?”

“If I jumped off a cliff, I’d be reborn, but when you die because that stick goes too far up your ass, you’ll be gone forever.”

Tenzin grew red in the face and was ready to have one of his classic flip-outs, but the doorbell rang and he was forced to remain calm. It happened to be game night at his household, and he wanted to be a gracious host for his friends. His first guest? Mako.

“Oh hayyyyyyyyy!” The Firebender whipped his scarf around his shoulder and put his Lilly Pulitzer sunglasses in his purse- uh, I mean... “European shoulder bag.”

Tenzin tried not to laugh. “ Come in, Mako. I’m sure we have a closet for you to stay in.”

“Pardon?”

“Oh nothing! Right this way Macho Man!”

Mako followed Tenzin into the dining hall, set up perfectly for one heckuva game night. “Oh hey, Babe.” His voice cracked as he addressed his girlfriend. “I saw your Tweet.”

Korra glanced up from her phone, her eyes piercing his soul. “Oh you did? Well you didn’t favorite it... asshole.”

Tenzin chimed in. “Don’t use the word ‘asshole’ around Mako. It’s a very sensitive area for him.” He saw the opportunity for a joke and took it.

“Whatever,” snorted the Avatar. “Where’s Bolin?”

“Sorry we’re late guys!” Bolin and Asami had entered quietly. “I gave her a ride here.” I am so in, he thought as the female CEO made a whipping motion behind his back.

Guests continued to arrive.

“Aunt Kya!” exclaimed Jinora when she saw the Waterbender. “Come outside, I have something really cool to show you!” The two walked outside to the main plaza of the temple, and Jinora retrieved a sky bison whistle. “Do you know how to use one of these?” she inquired.

Kya simply chuckled and whipped out a joint. “Do you know how to use one of these?”

Back inside, everyone had finally arrived, and they were just in time to see Meelo parading downstairs without any pants.

“Oh, so it’s that kind of party!” An excited Commander Bumi reached for his belt.

“Hey people!” called Bolin. “Let’s turn on some tunes! I bet Chief Beifong wants to listen to… Metallica! Huh?”

The Chief of Police didn’t even flinch. “Shut up.”

“Oh come on! You’ve gotta have a better diss than just ‘shut up!’”

“Fine.” She pondered for a moment then spoke. “If Saikhan were present, you’d be the second biggest bitch here.”

Bolin’s enthusiasm died on the spot. “Okay...” he whimpered.

Tenzin reentered the hall with several boardgames and got everyone’s attention. “Who’s ready for some good, wholesome fun?” He then turned to Korra. “Will you go see what Pema is up to upstairs?”

Reluctantly, the Avatar did as she was asked and dragged her feet upstairs. “Pema?” she called. After hearing no response, she approached her room and quietly slid open the door. The sight she bore witness to would forever be burned into her brain.

“Pema?” she squeaked. Korra watched as Pema danced ferociously and sang along to a Tyga song.

“Got a badass bitch just bouncin’ on my dick! Bouncin’ on my dick!” She clapped and shook her butt vigorously to the beat.

Korra spun on her feet and ran downstairs, trying to withhold tears. When Tenzin asked her what his wife was doing, she gave no response other than shivering and whispering “Some things just can’t be unseen.”

Later in the night, the dining hall was booming with, not fun, but intense hatred, the most common result of any board game.

Tahno rolled a pair of dice in his hand. “Amon my game tonight!” he told Korra. “Get it?”

“Whatever.”

“Speaking of which, when are you going to give me my bending back?”

“When you finally grow a ballsack.” With that, the conversation ended.

“Damn, Asami. You’re great at Monopoly,” Mako remarked. “It must be because you’re-”

Jinora cut in to finish the sentence. “A rich one-percenter who makes millions off the backs of the middle class and corporate welfare.”

Asami didn’t hear the hipster’s comments because she was gazing at General Iroh. “He’s just so dreamy...”

“I know!” shouted Mako, earning several gasps and stares. “Oh did you say dreamy? I thought you said steamy! Because of... how hot his body must get... when he’s Firebending...” Nobody bought his save, not even Korra.

Meanwhile, Bolin and Lin were in a heated match of Mouse Trap, and the Chief of Police had had enough of the pro-bender’s shenanigans.

“You think this is a game?!” Lin barked.

Bolin sunk in his chair. “Maybe...?”

Lin became so furious that she stood up and flipped the board. “I’m done!”

Across the room, Tenzin had just received his hand of cards for Clue.

“Hey, this isn’t a card. It’s a coupon for a Bosley hair revival treatment!”

“Huh, that’s weird!” Pema exclaimed. “Anyways, this game should be called Hint instead. You know, like take a hint.”

The night ended with a fiercely competitive karaoke battle, which Pema handily came in first place with her surprising mastery of explicit songs that allowed her to “express her true self.” Overall, Tenzin was confident he put on a good night.